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March 30, 2005

Anita Jain: Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?

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ecently, i was cc’d on an e-mail addressed to my father. It read, “We liked the girl’s profile. The boy is in good state job in Mississippi and cannot come to New York. The girl must relocate to Mississippi.” The message was signed by Mr. Ramesh Gupta, “the boy’s father.”

That wasn’t as bad as the time I logged on to my computer at home in Fort Greene and got a message that asked, forgoing any preamble, what the date, time, and location of my birth were. Presumably sent to determine how astrologically harmonious a match with a Hindu suitor I’d be, the e-mail was dismayingly abrupt. But I did take heart in the fact that it was addressed only to me.

I’ve been fielding such messages—or, rather, my father has—more and more these days, having crossed the unmarriageable threshold for an Indian woman, 30, two years ago. My parents, in a very earnest bid to secure my eternal happiness, have been trying to marry me off to, well, just about anyone lately. In my childhood home near Sacramento, my father is up at night on arranged-marriage Websites. And the result—strange e-mails from boys’ fathers and stranger dates with those boys themselves—has become so much a part of my dating life that I’ve lost sight of how bizarre it once seemed.

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Comments

Hi,

i am sure you must have had varied kind of responses, but i have to say it was a brilliant article . very nicely presented , if i were a film producer definatley i would have cooked some masala.

i am married so u cant get me .. but anyways good luck and hope you find your man soon . would be very intrested to find out.


luck
A
sing87singh@yahoo.com

Posted by: a | Jun 22, 2008 5:00:24 AM

Has she written the article to boast of her relationships? She is 32 and still could not find an appropriate person. I am sure any more effort would be in vain. Anita, forget this aspect of your life and start your life as an apologist of a caitalist, progiteering media house.

Posted by: Bhanu Prasad | Jan 30, 2008 9:26:11 AM

Everything apart from the FOB comment sounds fine-Her comment about Indian english is nothing short of an insult to Anything Indian.
Yet another confused half indian half american belongs to nowhere b*****

Posted by: Devika | Nov 11, 2007 10:17:46 PM

Hi, You are very emotional, intelligent, straight forward and want the real love. My E-mail is Shaadi4jain@gmail.com

Posted by: Ashok Katariya | Jun 10, 2007 1:45:28 AM

Interesting, is it really really that big of a deal? C'mon be straightforward to your parents and marry someone you like, a non Indian if that is what she prefers, cant be that complicated. She claims to be thirty something...well a good way of getting exposure, shall we expect a book on the same ..yawn..monotonous boring topic. Oh yes, then the taboo of gay Indian women...

Posted by: Gautam | Dec 9, 2005 9:58:51 AM

I feel her pain! As I am 28 and single and have had no success with Indian women, but I am making more efforts now that I work in the city. I think the biggest problems for people like us are:

1)We try to please our parents and there friends, so we lie about what we do or what we really feel
2)We have no clue as to what love is, but we are all looking for it
3)I am better than you, and there is someone better than you out there for me (The perfect soul mate)

Am I wrong?

Tie

Posted by: Tie | Sep 1, 2005 1:18:42 PM

I feel her pain! As I am 28 and single and have had no success with Indian women, but I am make more efforts now that I work in the city. I think the biggest problems for people like us are:

1)We try to please our parents and there friends, so we lie about what we do or what we really feel
2)We have no clue as to what love is, but we are all looking for it
3)I am better than you, and there is someone better than you out there for me (The perfect soul mate)

Am I wrong?

Tie

Posted by: Tie | Sep 1, 2005 1:16:19 PM

Awesome... total mahapurush stuff. As a 28 yr old single Indian male who's younger cousins and family are getting married and having kids at breakneck pace, I share her sentiments entirely. I HAVE been on shaadi.com, to no avail, because I keep coming across too many profiles that say "We want a simple, down-to-earth, and God-fearing doctor or investment banker only, but it is okay if he owns his own business OR IS OTHERWISE RICH" Is it okay if I'm a strategy consultant, somewhat multi-dimensional (as in, not quite simple), and have a 'working relationship' with God instead of a mortal fear of Him?
With regard to the rest of the posted comments, what the heck is 'too Americanized'? And if we all 'simply accepted normal stuff', we'd still be tossing our women in the funeral pyre after their husbands deaths, and marrying off your little daughters by their twelvth b'day. Get with the pogrom yaar. Take a trip out to the 21st century, it's nice out here.

Posted by: Mihir | Apr 4, 2005 2:39:52 PM

Excellent.

Posted by: Zoo | Apr 2, 2005 7:26:02 AM

yeah maybe thats what it is, coz i am a girl, and i dont think she is rambling or confused at all....

Posted by: Vatsa | Apr 2, 2005 6:10:35 AM

This seems to me like a long, rambling diary posting of a confused middle-aged teenager-at-mind, who does not know what she wants - and knows not that she does not know what she wants.

But then, I am a guy - so perhaps things work differently on the other side of the fence...

Posted by: Inspirator | Apr 1, 2005 12:09:45 PM

No probs Vatsa dear, we can sort out the 'posting on various sites' aspect. Just say the word and shaadi.com will be your oyster ;-).

Posted by: Arian | Apr 1, 2005 7:26:51 AM

oh this is all so true and familiar to me.....except the bit about my parents posting stuff about me on various sites....i havent reached that stage yet.....thankfully!

Posted by: Vatsa | Apr 1, 2005 5:52:28 AM

hey there.. me back from my exams.. how have you been? and when are yours?

Posted by: Lucidly Awake | Mar 31, 2005 2:15:55 PM

A bit too much I feel. she's too "americanised"...she simply can't accept normal stuff!!

Posted by: Pradeep | Mar 31, 2005 1:52:26 PM

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