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February 02, 2005

The Older Man Mystique

By Farhad J Dadyburjo

WOMEN DIG them, men envy them and they make ageing seem a cosmic joke. We are, of course, referring to the smouldering oldies, guys like Harrison Ford, Bill Clinton, Amitabh Bachchan, Michael Douglas, Zakir Hussain, Richard Gere and that seductive ol’ Scot, Sean Connery, who perennially have the women swooning in (and out of) their pants. Case in point: Calista Flockhart, Lara Flynn Boyle and Catherine Zeta-Jones - gorgeous younger women who’ve dated/married grizzled veterans. So, besides the sophisticated charm and physical characteristics of graying sideburns, salt and pepper highlights and in some cases (hel-lo, Jack Nicholson!), a stomach with a balcony, what is it that makes older men such hot property with younger women?


The father of sexual psychology, Dr. Sigmund Freud’s theory of the Electra Complex, explains a condition which is experienced by young girls during their developmental stages, that causes them to form a strong attraction to their fathers. Perhaps an extreme example of this complex is the relationship between Hollywood icon Woody Allen and his adopted stepdaughter Soon Yi. Friends and especially family members, find it hard to understand why their young/sweet/innocent/nubile daughter has chosen to date that ‘old geezer’. According to Beliza Ann Furman, author of Younger Women - Older Men , women who are attracted to older men fall into two categories: They either had a doting father who frequently told them how cute they were and they want a lover who will do the same, or they never had that kind of attention and are desperate for it. “It could also be due to the fact that older men are more settled and secure financially, and, hence, provide materialistic comforts and gratification easily,” explains psychotherapist, Varkha Chulani. “It’s an ego-booster for many girls, who feel that much more desirable because they’ve managed to hook a 40-year-old as opposed to a younger boy.”


Let’s face it: Besides the above complexities, men in their twenties have very different priorities than men in their forties and fifties, and hence ‘seasoned’ men are often more mature. Twentysomething guys are still searching for who they are, and how to pull the next lay. Sex, money, material possessions, sports and status are their primary interests. Their ‘me’ mentality has not yet matured into a ‘we’ philosophy. For older men, by their late thirties, most know who they are or who they are not. Many are in the second or third phases of their careers and have learned that there is more to life than money, sex and prestige. They’re also more discreet, as compared to the young stud who needs to boast to his soccer buddies the morning after. They know what physically, emotionally and intellectually satisfies a woman. And while younger men see women as being there for them, older men take personal pride in dating and ‘connecting’ with them on their own level.

“Older men come with physical, emotional and mental maturity. In fact, I’ve never been able see a guy my age,” says model Diandra Soares, who’s been dating 11 years older DJ Whosane. “But however big the age difference, older men are still babies. So no, it’s not a father figure thing, in fact I feel like the mother!”
Eventually, love knows no sex, racial barriers or age limits. As a noble mind once said, “Better be an old man’s darling than a young man’s slave.”

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I think that the older I get (I'm now 35), the less-inclined I am to put up with the bullshit. No, never been married, either. I think that if I date an older man, I won't be pressured into having children and getting married. He'll have his place and I'll have mine. He will be just as comfortable without me as with me and he won't be calling me at 2:00AM, drunk as a skunk, wanting to come over!
At least, I hope it would be this way :-)

Posted by: Michelle | Mar 7, 2005 9:45:51 AM

Girls who grow up in a healthy family inviroment are very close to their fathers. Even to the point of having sexual dreams about them, which makes them feel guilty of some grave sin. But yet, they either search for another daddy, or someone who makes them feel safe and secure.

Momma's boys are different in their search for the same "qualities" of the mother;cooking, baking, cleanliness, understanding etc. And it is presumptuist to state without data, that this type of young man does not normally end up with women who are older than he is. Even by just a few short years.

It's as if women have been the interest of research. Not men.

Posted by: CosmicTouch | Feb 22, 2005 11:44:06 AM

Does Dr. Sigmund Frued (or any other doctor for that matter) explain that even when most mothers are extremely doting and caring (to a fault), why men rarely ever fall for older, matured and "mother-figure" women?

There are many replies, but no real answers....just like women falling for older men...its a psychological phenomenom, and i view it as an aberration, and prefer to keep it at that.

Posted by: Inspirator | Feb 4, 2005 11:23:05 AM

Hmmm... Charlie Chaplin was 56 years old, and his Oona was only 17 when they got married! Maybe she was looking for a dad that Eugene o' neil never was.

Other than that ... men are like bonds, they mature l a..a...a te! And, maturity along with self-assuredness are qualities that are so rare in young men! Maybe this is why women fall for older guys ... or marry late (after mid-thirties)!

Posted by: Raashi | Feb 3, 2005 1:23:00 PM

hey girls...plz dont fall for this article. if u girls start hanging out with older man. what will the young guys do?? poor us...we have to remain single all our lives...

so for the sake of humanity and all those dashing young men out there...DONT FALL FOR OLDER GUYS :-)).


Posted by: Mumbhai | Feb 2, 2005 9:43:22 AM

Older men is an ambiguous term..I wouldn't mind if the guy was a maximum of 10 years older. Any older than that would be too weird!

Posted by: Little Miss Sunshine | Feb 2, 2005 9:30:06 AM

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